I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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