I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
