the new term for farting is butt boxing.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
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