the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
