i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
