i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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