Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I supernannyed him into submission
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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