Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Randomize
