god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I want a musical about memes.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
