I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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