Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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