apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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