Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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