I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
What drink are we having for lunch?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
