I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
