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You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
