goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
