Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
