Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
