what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I checked into jail on foursquare
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
