It's Friday. Sex?
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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