Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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