I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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