they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
