First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
