I'm gonna have a badass scar
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
you win again, gameday.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
