I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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