After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
