I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
