News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
