Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
