I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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