I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
The air taste purple.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
