Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
