Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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