My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
