I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
