I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
