My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
My breath smells like gin and sadness
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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