its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
