I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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