I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
