Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
