Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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