I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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