I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Randomize
