I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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