Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
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