I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
