We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
